A World Not Unlike Our Own - Chapter 3

With the groups size reaching over three hundred members, Eliza pressured Drexel to start getting serious about plans for phase two of the operation. Drexel insisted that he could do it over the weekend when he didn't have any work to do. Drexel spent the next weekend in his pajamas eating raw Ramen Noodles and looking at porn and humorous videos of cats. He thought he had been inspired for the perfect plan for phase two when he was watching one video where the cat was swung around by a ceiling fan before being thrown aside. Drexel soon realized that there was no way he could get everyone in the government to hold onto a ceiling fan that big. Back to square one.
Later, Drexel saw a video where the cat jumps out of a bush and tackles a baby. As the cat continued to maul the small creature, Drexel began to think. “We just have to hit 'em while they're down.” The cameraman's laughing grew as the cat stopped it's attack to urinate. Drexel turned off the video even though there were twenty minutes left. He was onto something and he didn't want to lose his train of thought. “Hit 'em while they're down,” he kept repeating over and over in his head. He didn't know when they would be down or if they would be down or what he was talking about but he was pretty sure he was on the right track.
Drexel pondered for hours but he just couldn't come up with anything more than hitting 'em while they were down. Drexel decided that cat videos were the answer to untapping his genius. Back to the internet. Drexel saw videos of cats slipping off counters and for a second entertained the idea of making the floor in the planet's legislative building really slippery but that quickly faded. Then he saw a video of a cat falling into a box and he considered digging a big hole and covering it up with leaves in front of the legislative building and watching as the politicians all fell in. That would probably work, but Drexel couldn't get enough shovels together for a job that big.
That's when Drexel saw the video that would change his life. It wasn't a cat this time. He had accidentally clicked on the video of a dog. Drexel quickly went to change the video but soon saw that he had stumbled upon the perfect plan. The dog in the video was chewing on a tennis ball and growling at its own foot. Every time it put its foot towards its mouth it growled and bit.
“That's it!” said Drexel. “All I need to do is get the government to fight itself!” The easiest way he found to get the government to fight itself was to get government to join them. The revolution's usual method for gaining recruits was, of course, sexual intercourse and politicians were well known fans or orgies. To Drexel's great joy, phase two was just more sex.
At the next meeting, Drexel revealed his plan to the group. As most of the members were there for carnal reasons and not ideological reasons, the plan was much applauded. Some people almost fainted from the pure arousal of the situation. Screwing people with power was the dream of all the women in the audience. And the men liked the thought of proving their sex drives to higher-ups. Everyone was happy.
Drexel explained that many politicians already had sources for their orgies. Even if they were coaxed into one of the revolution's orgies, once they found out what the revolution's overarching goals were they would surely distance themselves and go back to a more respectable orgy source. The solution was simple. First, they had to gain a reputation for the craziest, biggest, nastiest orgies ever. This would require full participation. What politician could resist the promise of an orgy with over three hundred participants? None. Studies had consistently shown that in fact, no politician could resist.
The second part of the solution was even more simple. Blackmail. All they needed to do was get a couple camcorders. Drexel placed one camcorder on the table at the entrance to the orgy chamber. He put a towel over it so no one would possibly be able to know it was a camera. Next, he cut a hole in an empty Pop-Tart box. He placed the camera inside so that it could see out the hole. The flavor of the Pop-Tarts previously in the box was whole-grain, sugar free Brown Sugar Cinnamon. The plan was to go around offering them to politicians in the throngs of orgy passion. Of course, no one would ever want such a flavor so there would never be a need to open the box and reveal the camcorder inside. Drexel was a clever guy alright.

The biggest orgy Coita 4 had ever seen. Members of the revolution spread the word through the underground orgy circles. They had to be careful because if the general public found out about a massive, interspecies orgy apart from being very turned on, they'd pretend to be outraged because they thought that would be the correct response. And a public pretending to be outraged is just as bad as a public actually being outraged.
The first of the revolutionary orgies went down in the summer. That way all the Japanese schoolgirls didn't need to worry about school in the morning. The first orgy didn't catch any politicians. It caught a lot of non-members but no politicians. There almost wasn't enough room for everyone. Drexel had to put up the “No Fatties” sign very early in the night to help conserve space.
This orgy had absolutely everything you would want at an orgy. Vaginal. Anal. Oral. Aural. Nasal. There were even a few hand jobs going on. Really? You come to the biggest orgy ever and get something you could have gotten on your own when your roommate went out for milk? OK, I'm not here to judge. Anyway, the orgy was a huge success. And clean up was a breeze. Luckily, one of the revolution members ran a recycling plant and had access to an almost unlimited supply of newspapers. What's black and white and more white all over? Those newspapers were.
Slowly but surely, the orgies began to attract more and more attention. Athletes on professional and college orgy teams were spotted sneaking into the dump for a little off-season training. The very newspapers those athletes were secreting there bodily juices onto contained stories about how much better they were looking at practice. The local vampire college team, the Transylville State Suckers, was looking like it might have a shot at the Red Light Bowl next season. Their strength had always been in the oral department but thanks to these orgies, they were learning advanced thrusting techniques from the werewolves and very advanced catching techniques from the Japanese schoolgirls.
The positive effects on the community didn't stop there. The local contraceptive industry struggled to keep up with the demand and were forced to expand and create new jobs. The economy was boosted to new heights. The schools paid their teachers more. The state paid their politicians so much more that some of them stopped taking bribes altogether. Drexel and his group had been in operation for less than a full year and already they had brought their community into a new age of peace and prosperity that it had never experienced before. They proved that the hardest times lead to the best times, if only your willing to make that pun.