A World Not Unlike Our Own - Chapter 1

This planet was called Coita 4. It had three very intelligent and devilishly good-looking species ruling over it and they fought constantly. The three species had been planet hopping for years. After destroying a planet they would simply move on to the next. Some wondered why each species always moved to the same planet as the other two. The answer, of course was very simple. Intense sexual attraction. There were laws against mixed-species co-mingling but it sure didn't hurt to look. Pornography from each culture was often freely exchanged and a few civil rights activists had even begun magazines featuring pictures of both species engaged in auto-stimulation. These were usually promptly shut down and the owners thrown in the prison of their own species.
Under the full moon during the sacred Winter Solstice, two shadowy figures, a male and a female, met in the safety of a urine-stained alleyway. The male, Drexel, was standing straight up in an old lawn chair that he found in a dumpster. He yawned, revealing his razor sharp fangs, still glistening scarlet from his last meal. He had dined earlier that night at a local eatery which brought animals from another planet for them to eat. They called these animals humans and they ate them because they weren't intelligent and probably couldn't feel pain. At least, that is what the vampire scientists told them.
The female, Eliza, sat with her head resting on Drexel's chest. She was what they called on this planet a werewolf. However, she wasn't affected by the full moon like the males of her species. What happens to a werewolf during the full moon, which happens every twenty-eight days or so, is that their hormone levels skyrocket. In a male, this means more hair, more muscles and more blind rage. For a female this meant more moods, larger breasts and a healthy loss of self worth resulting in a heightened sex drive.
Eliza and Drexel sat silently waiting for the third member of their party. This was a magical night. Eliza could tell. Her breasts had grown three cup sizes instead of the usual two. She had one hand in her pocket and the other was resting on Drexel's crotch. Eliza sat wondering whether or not the new recruit would ever show up. Drexel thought of dead puppies to keep himself from self-destructing.
At the end of the alleyway, a new shadow appeared. She was a member of the rarest species on the planet. She stepped into the light. She wore a red plaid skirt that went down to her vagina. Above that, a white button-up shirt, about half buttoned, with a black neck-tie. Her name was Mika and shewas a Japanese schoolgirl, the most intelligent of the three species.
Drexel led them through the alley and out into a dump. The three climbed into what appeared to be an old dryer but which actually hid the entrance to a secret hideout. The small group crawled until they reached a large room with nothing but a heart-shaped bed in the middle.
“Where is the rest of the group?” asked Mika.
“What?” said Drexel.
“The rest of the group. You said you were part of an underground revolution.”
“Initiation first,” Drexel said, removing his pants. “Finding out whether or not this group actually exists second.”
And so, the initiation began. Mika and Eliza got on the bed first and began to do things to each other that looked really hot to an onlooking male but actually didn't do much for either of them. Drexel stood at the end of the bed, giving the girls the one-eyed salute.
After watching for about thirteen seconds, Drexel crawled onto the bed and pushed Eliza away. He grabbed Mika and pinned her shoulders to the bed. “Ready?” he asked. “Ready” she responded. “Alright,” continued Drexel. “Time for your inti-.” Drexel's face contorted a little bit and he didn't finish his sentence. Drexel lay down and lit himself a cigarette.
“So is that it?”
“You and Eliza can go do whatever you want. I'm taking a nap.”
Eliza and Mika walked off into an adjacent room. Mika asked about the underground revolution. There really was an underground revolution, however, up until this point, it consisted merely of Drexel and Eliza. The meetings went like this. Drexel and Eliza would meet in their landfill hideaway. Drexel would always make a joke about how he “got your landfill right here” while grabbing his crotch. They would get naked and Drexel would ejaculate and Eliza would end up masturbating.
But they had big plans. They were going to take down the establishment. Drexel had it all figured out. He figured if they just went around having sex with as many as they could and recruiting them to the group and having them do the same, their size would grow exponentially. The plan was the literal definition of fucking the system.
Mika was the first test. They had found her in a mall parking lot. Drexel asked her if she wanted to do some modeling, telling her he was a producer and also a rap star. Of course, Mika was taken in by this offer, ignoring the fact that the offer was coming from a vampire. She got into the car and asked Drexel why he had a camera. Drexel, in his utter cleverness, said that he was making a project for school. Candy from a baby.
So now, here they were. Three young, sexy, barely-legal teens. Ready to take-on the world. From the front or behind. A vampire, a werewolf and a Japanese schoolgirl. The most unholy union imaginable. Also, the sexiest union. The plan was simple. Spread the news of their organization and gain recruits. Spread the news by spreading legs. That was phase one. Phase two hadn't been planned yet. Phase two was probably going to be to start a facebook petition or go chant protest slogans at a local college. Anyway, that's not important. The important thing was getting a following. Drexel would think of that crap later when he got a minute to think. Seriously, he's got it handled, just trust him on this one.
Drexel realized that there was a lot of work to do. He hopped in his car and drove down to the local corner store. He grabbed a thirty pack of the cheapest brand of condoms he could find. He hadn't realized Rubbermaid was in the condom business. Then, just to be safe, he grabbed a couple morning after pills. Something called Bay-B-Gone. Last he grabbed an economy tub of lubricant, guaranteed to last for three thousand miles. Drexel went to check out. “Yes, I will take a bag.” Drexel looked down at his condoms, morning after pills and lubricant. “I'm ready,” he thought, “ready to save the world!”